Ten Kids

My buddy Gene B. commented today: " With 10 kids, I'd thought you would have figured out what was causing that around #4 and got it fixed. What were you trying to do ... Start you own football team or populate a small African country?"

Actually I took the worry out of being close after #3 was born... but I still ended up with ten children.

There is one reason and one reason alone why I have ten kids. I was ready to stop having kids with Frank and Tim, but Connie wouldn't have it that way. I have 10 kids because I never learned to say, "NO!!!," to my two wives (former-girlfriends).

After Frank and Tim were babies, it took Connie seven years to talk me into a third child after the trauma of Tim's babyhood. Since Connie used the laws of statistics to determine that child #3 was going to be a girl, she was pretty upset when a boy came along (Cameron). But she still had this burning desire to dress up a small human in bows and frills. Since Frank was 10-years old and Tim was 8, neither was willing to volunteer for the dress-wearing duty. So when son #3 was seven two little girls dropped into our lives. I should have stomped my feet and yelled "NO!!!"

When Cameron was 13-years old and the girls were eleven, I found myself widowed and desperately twiterpated by a lovely woman. I fell held-over-heels in love with a her and THEN found out that she too had five kids. I again should have protested and screamed, "NO!!!!!" and bolted for the door. Instead I stood there with this goofy look on my face and accepted my fate to be the father to a tribe of ten.

***sigh***

[caption id="attachment_486" align="alignleft" width="234" caption="What a herd of 10 children looks like."][/caption]

What a herd of 10 children feels like.

Getting Older

I am not balding, I am follically challenged. In the Bible (2 Kings 2:23), some boys were laughing at Elisha and they said, "Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head!"  It says that he cursed them in the name of the Lord and two “she bears” came out of the woods and tore-up 42 of those little hoodlums.

I am not fat, I am gravity enhanced.

My hair and mustache are not graying, they are simply color depleted.

I am not hard of hearing, I am simply ignoring your foolishness.

I am not forgetful, I am Teflon Brained (nothing sticks). Old age comes at a very bad time. Now that I have all the answers to life, I've forgotten the questions and why I was even asking in the first place.

My jean's waistline is not big, I am maximizing my contributions to the blue jeans material economy.

My butt is not getting bigger, it is simply becoming more rounded for better aerodynamic blow-by.

I do not snore, I am maintaining a sonar-like guardian parameter monitoring system while I am asleep.

I do not fart, I am simply making a greenhouse gas contribution. It is discussed in the Bible: "He that troubeth his own house shall inherit the wind" ... Proverbs 11:29.

My sight is not getting worse, I am increasing my sight score... Remember, 20/20 is a lower score than 20/50.

"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged." (Colossians 3:21) Remember, these children are the ones that will someday choose your retirement home. Do you want to live in a 1st class “assisted living facility” or in a 4th class “nursing home” in Tijuana?

I never got a tattoo. For this I am extremely grateful. I want my children to keep this in mind too. Remember, in 2009 a babe with a Tramp Stamp is HOT, HOT, HOT. One thing to remember…Will it look as good to see that same “Tat” on your grandmother’s butt in the year 2059?

Lastly, will "perky" breast implants look as good on your 80 year old grandmother when she has on one of those flowered housecoats that blue-haired old ladies love to wear.

Our Corner Of Eden

We planted update plants in the garden today.



I am DOG TIRED and achy all over. Getting old is a bitch.

Lable

On a prescription bottle of sleeping pills, I recently read the following important warning... "Caution: May cause drowsiness"

YEAH!!! Wait... What?  HUH?

WARNING!!!!!!

I originally saw this (or a variation thereof) on Frank's "pioneer" Web page, in about 1997.

"This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age.

Stealing Grapes

This afternoon I made my daily trip to Albertsons. As usual, I made my first round through the fruit and veggy section to grab some naval oranges (Cara Cara Naval to be specific). Across the "fruit island" was a grandmotherly looking lady. She had opened the ziplock bag of green grapes and was eating the grapes one-by-one. After picking out my four oranges, she was still munching down on the grapes. I could contain myself no longer so I looked straight at her and said, "You're supposed to pay for the grapes before you eat them." She looked up and replied, "I have to sample them before I know their worth buying." I was shocked.... I said back, "Sampling is one thing....you're making a meal out of them....As a matter of fact, your stealing from the store." "I'm ***NOT*** stealing!!!!"

I rolled my cart away, shaking my head in total disgust.

After a spin around the store, I remembered I wanted some pears. So back to the "fruit island" I go. What do I find? The same grandmotherly looking lady...except she is now "sampling" the strawberries. She had three strawberry boxes open and was swapping out the superior berries for the "less than perfect berries." If that wasn't bad enough, one out of three of the berries ended up in her mouth. She was stashing the stems into the "less than perfect" box.

I just stood there and stared at her. She noticed me and said, "I'm not stealing...I don't steal...stealing is a sin."

I just walked away.

***sigh***

Family Photos

Jeni, Frank & Caleb



Naomi, Terje, Jacob & Linnéa



Tim



Belinda & Jerry



Glenn, Christy & Nico



Miriam & Sebastian



Allen



Cameron

Aretha Franklin's Hat

Heck, that's not a hat Aretha, that's the original Wright Flier with Wilbur steering and Orville laying on the wing.

Raining

It's raining today. Depressing.... 40 degrees and everywhere it is wet.

I would go sit in the hot tub, but I don't want to get wet.

Five Guys Burgers

I was introduced to Five Guys burgers last June by my son Tim. GREAT burgers!!!!! With out angering the gods I would have to say that they MIGHT be better than In'N'Out.

On the trip up to Utah we stopped at a local franchise and Kari each had a burder..... All I can say is YUMYUMYUMYUM[gallery]

My Father

This is a picture of my father, Frank Herman Boisvert, in October 1945 about a week after he returned from the South Pacific and WWII and married my mother. He was my hero.

Rain

Just for the record...last night's storm dropped .5 inches of rain.

In a land where the annual rainfall is 2 inches, we just got one quarter of the way there in one evening.

Words For War

The "Sami" people are the indigenous people of northern Norway, northern Sweden, northern Finland and northwestern Russia. In the USA we wrongly refer to these people as "Lapps" or "Lapplanders."  The Sami closely identify themselves with the Eskimo and American Indian people.

In Sami there are 60+ words for snow and no word for "war."
In English there are 60+ words for "war" but only one word for snow.

Do you see something wrong here?

Black Awareness Month

In an "All Hands" message today:

"February is Black History Month, during this month we take the opportunity to recognize Black Americans and the contributions they have made for their country. The theme for this year's program is The Quest for Black Citizenship in the Americas."

I asked my co-team-members:
"When are we going to have a "Deaf History Month," "Samoan-American Week" or even "Depressed-Guy-Who's-People-Have-Been-Here-Since-Jamestown Afternoon?" Why is it that I always feel jilted when February comes around?  Just asking."

#1 (A deaf person) answered:
"I know what you mean... We deaf get clumped together with "Disabled Appreciation Month" (Oct)... But it's like apples and oranges! We face very different obstacles that normally confront physically challenged persons."

#2 (a Samoan-American person) answered:
"I'm not sure we Samoan-Americans have been on this continent long enough to deserve a month, week, afternoon, or even 59 minutes, so I won't complain."