Christmas 2008

I have decided that Christmas is the only holiday that starts with a prayer and ends with an argument.

I am seriously considering spending next Christmas in Norway.

Captain John Peters

I wish that you all could know John Peters the CO of the USS John Adams (SSBN620B) before Van Meter. In the past 15 years I have become friends with him and his darling wife Joan. As a matter of fact I got their Christmas picture yesterday in the mail. Kari and I spent an afternoon and evening with the Peters in their home in Hawaii in Feb 2003. Even though he makes me call him John I still want to call him Captain.

Here's my favorite John Peters story. When we were in the yards at Portsmouth, Admiral Hyman Rickover used to stay with John and Joan as their (uninvited) guest. John had a Golden Retriever that he had trained to salute by strategically placing scotch tape on the dog's eyebrow. When John gave the command "hand salute" the dog would smartly sit up and render honors with a regulation salute. When Rickover showed up, Hymie (actual AKC registered name was Hyman George Rickover XX) was standing as a "side boy" and on command welcomed the Admiral. John said that it was one of the only times he ever saw the Admiral laugh. (and Peters knew him as a subordinate and a friend for 20 years). Joan said that at bedtime they put Hymie in a dog run in the back yard and after lights out Rickover went out to the back yard and took the dog to his room to watch him do his many tricks.

When we left the Peters home I paused and shook John's hand and said, "I just want to say thank you for taking a punk kid and help him grow into an honorable man." He replied, "I wouldn't have expected anything less from you."

John is one of my biggest heroes.

Addicted To Film

I am 42.8% addicted to film. (Thank you Frank for the link)

Birth Control And Fatherly Advice

Birth Control:

God's most effective form of birthcontrol can be found at this link.

Fatherly Advice:

I have told each of my sons not to stick their manhood somewhere that they don't plan on being deeply involved for the next 18 years and 9 months.

Financial Planning

Usa, Japan

I once had a friend that was born in a town called Usa in Japan. His father was there in the Occupation Army in '49. So people would ask on forms... Place of birth, he would write, "Usa" and that would satisfy them.

Usa is located in Oita Prefecture on Kyushu Island.

Piss Off The Dem's

You know what would really PISS OFF the Democrats...

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney becomes President (that would really PISS OFF the liberals)!!!

Then he appoints Condoleezza Rice as Vice President.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleezza Rice, A Republican, becomes the first BLACK President and the first WOMAN President !!!

Quote Of The Day #1

As I hear these "incredible" quotes I will post them here to my blog....hopefully on a day-to-day basis.

As I walked into the garden door of WalMart the entryway to the main store was blocked by two women and their baskets. Scattered around the carts were about six kids all under the age of 10. One little boy was excitedly shouting, pointing and jumping up and down. The woman, who I assume was his mother, calmly looked at him and said, "Jimmy, will you just calm down and eat your candy."

On the way out of WalMart with my prescription in hand, I was following a lady pushing a stroller with three little kids holding onto the stroller for dear life, the oldest being no more than six or seven. The lady had on these REALLY tight white linen pants. It was easy to see that she was wearing underpants with the words, "Hot Mama" written across the butt. My only thought, as I tried real hard not to stare was, "No sh*t, 'Hot Mama'...four kids under the age of six or seven."

Weird Is Weird

Oh, and as a point of qualification.... The word "weird" is a weird word because it doesn't follow the "I" before "E" except after "C" absolute rule.... That is the weird explanation about why weird is weird.

"Secure That Building"

Like it or not, but there are basic differences between the branches of the United States Armed Services.

If you give the command "SECURE THAT BUILDING", to a sailor, a soldier, a Marine and an airman, here is what each of the different services will do to carry out that order:

The NAVY will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY will surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS will assault the building, killing everyone inside using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.

The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

And you Sand Crabs (Navy jargon for civilians) think I'm kidding. Boy, have I got news for you.

An Important Secret Of Life

Make the impossible look easy.

A Father's Job

One of the most important jobs a father can do for his children is to snap pictures of them while they are in the most ridiculous and super embarrassing poses from their baby-hood.

Such is the example with this picture:



Frank was about 18 months old and LOVED to crawl into the laundry hamper and stick things in his mouth. I would NEVER humiliate Frank with the picture of him with my BVD's as his headgear.

I DARE Frank to post embarrassing pictures of me on his blog. ***I*** have more brains than to allow myself to be photographed in such a way that it can be used as blackmail.  THAT will happen ONLY when I am old, senile and living in a 3rd-rate Mexican nursing home in Tijuana.

H & N

"Don't confuse what is impressive with what is important."  (E. M. Forster in "Maurice".....I can't take credit for the quote... I gleaned it somewhere off the Internet.)

How Stupid Are We?

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain

I love to watch the "Jay Walking" portion of "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Jay goes out on the streets and interviews people and asks them things like, "Can you point out Alaska on this map of the USA?" It is AMAZING how many people they show that have little or no concept of basic history, geography or even simple "civics."

But to see the ULTIMATE dumb blond video watch this:

 http://www.koreus.com/video/blonde-europe-pays.html

Facts About Norway

My buddy Mike W. said: "Ummm interesting... Never thought of them [Norwegians] as docile and kind... Especially after the images of Vikings are stuck in my mind since I was little..."

I replied:  "The Norwegian "mal-contents" moved to Minnesota in the 1870-1920 period. The Nazi's killed off most of the "thinkers" (teachers, doctors etc). After WWII Norway was a decimated country. When King Håkon VII and his son Crown Prince Olav came back from exile in England, they got what was left of the parliament together and said, "since we're rebuilding our country let's do it right."

Norway is very Socialist in thoughts and behavior. They have "womb to tomb" care of its people.... and a 53% income tax to go with it.

All the warriors got tired of the "peacefulness" and left a long time ago.

The biggest surprise I had, when I arrived in Norway to meet my Cyber-Sweetie, was that the place was certainly NOT what I had expected. There were no women running around in those Wagner type leather/brass bras and cow-horned helmets. I asked Kari if Norwegian women wore those things every day or just for special occations. I also discovered that hardly any of the women in Norway are blonde and they don't run around in their national dress saying things like "Uff Da" and "Yah, sure, you-betcha" and very few of the people are named Sven or Olga.  Oslo (the Norwegian capital) has a population of half a million and is not some wide spot in the dirt road, polar bears and reindeer do NOT run freely up and down the streets (well, actually, they do up north but the bears get shot and the reindeer get put back into the Sami herds. I also learned that the people of Norway do not run around half-naked and exercise free-love while they sit in saunas (that's in Finnland).  And lastly, I was totally amazed to learn that the national bird of Norway IS NOT a penguin.

 

Amazing Things I've Seen

Norwegians... They're not dumb.... But very docile and kind people.

My third trip over to Norway (Dec 2000) I needed to get out of the house for some "alone" time. So I walked to the mini-mart to get a soda...about 3 blocks... In about a metre of snow, snowploughed that morning. My trip back took me on an overpass and I stood there watching the cars pass underneith and drinking my nearly-frozen soda. All of a sudden one car slid into another and the two drivers got out and started yelling at each other and waving their arms.

I got so excited I ran back to the house and burst in telling Kari...."I just saw TWO things I've never seen before in Norway... A automobile accident and TWO pissed off Norwegians."

Her answer:

"I'm sure that they were most likely Swedes"

It's Almost Christmas Again

I found this e-mail that I wrote just after Christmas 2007:

It was chilly here this morning. I've been battling the flu for the past couple of days .I woke up today feeling better than I have in days….but I'm still not 100%... Too sick to get up and prance around but to well to stay home. I may end up giving up the good fight and go home to lay in my death-bed and moan. What makes it doubly bad is that Kari has the flu too and we lay there moaning together….in stereo….pathetically :-( When you're sick and your sweetheart is well she can pamper you and get you chicken soup…but when she is sick beside you, neither one has enough "wellness" to even change the channel on the TV and you lay there watching the "Threes Company" Marathon for two hours.

We had four kids at home for the holidays...I just want to know one thing...with four adult children at home for a week...why is it ***I'm*** the only one that can manage to empty a trashcan???? Even when it's overflowing with the soda cans I bought for them....AND...Why is it that everyone, who visits my house over the holidays, uses Kari's Mustang when they're home but when I get into it on Monday morning to come to work the "LOW FUEL" light is FLASHING at me? I had to drive the Mustang because someone had borrowed my truck keys and didn't return them to me. Am I the only one who can figure out how to put gas in my parent's car? :-)

So here's the real reason why I'm writing. Every morning I come to work and, being the first to arrive on the west side of the building, I am the one to turn the lights on. For some strange reason the neon light immediately over the entrance to my cube (your old one) refuses to light…. Oh, wait… I just figured out how to make that light go on….never mind :-):-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Son Tim in North Carolina just called. Remember he was on that month long round the world tour? While in India he spent a week playing tourist and visiting the Taj Mahalh and New Deli. He just called and told me that he has Giardiasis which is an infection of the intestine that is caused by the parasite, "Giardia Intestinalis." Before he went I told him (to the point of making him angry) DON'T DRINK THE WATER OR UNCOOKED FOOD!!!! When he called to tell me of his plight I asked him, "Did you drink only bottled water?" and he said, "Most of the time…"Oh well…now he's suffering…and the cure is almost worse than the disease.

WestPac Widows

When I was in Hawaii, stationed aboard the USS Tautog (SSN639) as a junior sailor, one of my jobs was to be a "pier line handler." When another boat would head to sea, four strapping young men would disconnect the 2 inch ropes, which, kept the boat snug against the pier.  We would throw the ropes into the water for the crew drag the wet ropes onto the boat for storage. The men on the boat couldn't throw their ropes into the water because the boat took the ropes with them to tie up in their next port-of-call. The  crew would have had to jump in the water and swim like crazy to catch up with their boat as it headed out the harbor. I did the job of pier line handler about 20 times.

Several of these boats were heading out on a 9-month cruise to the Western Pacific. This was called a WestPac. It was touching to see the wives standing on the pier, crying, holding their babies and waving a fond farewell to their husbands. They would stand there watching until the boat went out of sight around the first bend of the harbor. The women would tearfully go to their cars, load their children into the backseat and with a final tear get behind the steering wheel to carry on with their lives.

Being a hard charging, full-steam-ahead-19-year-old drove me to seek the companionship of fine young women of the "tourist" persuasion. Myself and a couple of my buddies would usually visit the finer drinking and dancing establishments perched atop the hotels of Waikiki.

It never failed to amaze me the number of young women, who we had last seen tearing up that very morning, dressed in their finest apparel and doing the Boogie-Two-Step with a man, who was definitely not her husband nor her brother, that was obviously going to get very lucky that night.

We referred to these women as WestPac Widows.

"Saying Goodbye to Missy The Cat"

I had to put my cat Missy "to sleep," about 11 years ago. She, unlike Bob The Cat, loved babies and served as their favorite furry pillow. Missy and the "current" baby at the time would nap in the afternoon sunlight on the carpet. When the first "baby" was old enough to go off to the Air Force, Missy got sick. She had kidney failure. The day she could no longer climb into her favorite chair was when I made the tough decision to take her to the vet. I put her on the bed to take her final picture. Even though she was barely awake, she managed to mustered her best cat-smile. She too knew where she was going and purred like a kitten in my lap. She stayed in my lap, with her head on her paw, as the vet agreed with my decision. She looked up at me, before the Vet sat down next to us, and said, "I love you Bob. Thanks for saving me from the pound, a day before it was 'too late.' Thanks for the laser-tag, the ear scratches behind the ears and that stash of catnip. Thanks for the Girl Scout cookies and glass of milk we shared every evening. I want you to know that I forgave you for that 'rubber band on the tail' trick and those horrible flea-baths your wife insisted you give me.  But... our babies are grown now and my job is done. I'm told that most cats go to the Celestial Kingdom and I'll be sure and ask for you as my owner. But most of all, Bob, thank you for those babies...it was nice of you to let me love them and babysit them. I loved those babies" Then she put her head down and when she stopped purring I knew she was gone. I cried for hours that afternoon. I buried her in the back yard and every spring flowers grow above her.

Now that the grand babies are arriving and they come to the house to visit, the replacement cats are way too busy to want to deal with them. The grand babies just don't know that the best nap is with Missy as their pillow.

Question For My Kids

Do I look like I have ............... written across my forehead???

Meet the Hinkleys

I don't care what you say, Marjorie... I think he looks like your brother.

Bob and Kari LOVE In'n'Out

Eat your heart out Terje!!!!!

Prop 8 = Parental Rights

Could someone please explain to me what a state constitional ammendment, barring same sex marriage, has anything to do with Parental Rights?

My "Son" Tim

Oh where have I failed. :-(  First, Tim told me that he had registered as a Democrat, I cried and sobbed for three hours.

Then when he told me he wanted to go to an "Eastern" school for an MBA instead of a Masters of Science Degree from UCLA, I curled into the fetal position and rejected the outside world for two days.

One day he called me to inform me that he had "early voted" for Baraak Obama. I took to my bed and hid under the covers. Poor sweet Kari had to cox me out, after several days, with a freshly cooked enchilada and the promise that she would intercept all phone calls from son Tim for the next two weeks. I sat on the edge of the bed, eating my first "meal" in several days and every time the phone rang I relapsed and Kari had to help me back to the edge of the bed.

The final nail, pounded deep into my coffin, has been Tim's announcement that he owns more pairs of shoes than both my darling wife Kari and Imelda Marcos. If Tim ever decides to move, his shoes will fill an extra large U-Haul with storage space over the cab.

I have decided that Tim is really a Demo-Metro.

Shoe Collection

Shoe collection... Interesting concept.

I own three pairs of shoes and a pair of gardening sandals.

1) every day black tennis shoes.

2) black leather shoes for church etc.

3) my two tone shoes for my ZootSuit.

I don't want to imply that Kari has a bunch of shoes but the number of her shoes was a major design consideration when we did our bedroom remodel.

I keep waiting for Imelda Marcos to call Kari for shoe and bra storage advice.

What is it about chicks and shoes??????

Hint For 3rd Periodic “ID This Picture and Win A Burger” Contest

Think Mexican....

BTW... Frank and Jeni are no longer eligible for the prize.

Identify the correct caption of this picture and I will buy you a three course meal at the Ridgecrest Jack in the Box. The menu will start with a wonderful green salad, followed by an Ultimate Cheeseburger and a desert of a Vanilla Ice Cream Shake - 24oz cup. The prize must be redeemed by December 31, 2008 at 11:59PM PST.

This 3rd Periodic “ID This Picture and Win a Burger” is specifically opened to anyone who is of Norwegian heritage or is related to (by blood or marriage) a Norwegian. There is only one correct caption for this picture. The correct caption is tattooed on my left buttock cheek and you are welcome to “sneak a peek,” (if you dare). Contest void in Vermont.

Here’s the picture:

Bob Votes For POTUS (President of the United States)

My opinions and my opinions alone.   (*** indicates who I voted for)

1968
Richard M. Nixon (Spiro T. Agnew) R ***
Hubert H. Humphrey (Edmund S. Muskie) D
George C. Wallace (Curtis F. LeMay) AI
{I couldn’t vote because I was too young but I actively campaigned for Nixon. He promised us that he was going to “End the War in Viet Nam.” I hung signs, went to rallies, handed out bumper-stickers & buttons and headed up a Republican/Democrat Mock Election campaign at school. During the “campaign rally” I met this cute girl named Connie Charnock.....Her very first words to me were, “My family is very active in the Young Republicans”...my first thought was “WOW!!! A cute girl TALKED to me.” I was 15 and not quite a Lady’s Man yet. I imagine that Mr. Wallace is doing flip-flops in his grave about the prospect of Mr. Obama being in the White House. I don’t remember why I didn’t like Humphrey...Maybe because he was LBJ’s VP?... and DON’T get me started on Lyndon Baines Johnson!!!!}

1972
Richard M. Nixon (Spiro T. Agnew) R ***
George McGovern (Sargent Shriver) D
John G. Schmitz  (Thomas J. Anderson) A
{This was the 1st election I voted in. I registered as a Republican because I was SICK of my mother’s idolizing, FDR, IKE, Kennedy and LBJ. Besides, Nixon kept telling us that he was going to end the War and that we should not trust McGovern because he was a “Peace-nik”}

1976
Jimmy Carter (Walter F. Mondale) D
Gerald R. Ford (Robert J. Dole) R ***
Eugene J. McCarthy (None) I
{I voted for Ford but I can’t remember why. I didn’t think Carter was qualified and was under-experienced to be president after only being governor of Georgia.}

1980
Ronald Reagan (George Bush) R ***
Jimmy Carter (Walter F. Mondale) D
{I didn’t particularly like Reagan (he had been governor of California when I was a kid) but I was sick and tired of Carter. While he was a good and decent man, Carter screwed up everything his presidency touched. So voting for Reagan was the lesser of two evils.)

1984
Ronald Reagan (George Bush) R ***
Walter F. Mondale (Geraldine A. Ferraro) D
{Second time through I gladly voted for Reagan. I was working for Peacekeeper Missile at the time and Mondale said he was going to shut down most major military programs.}

1988
George H. Bush (J. Danforth Quayle) R ***
Michael S. Dukakis (Lloyd Bentsen) D
{Bush was a little too wimpy for me. But I, like a lot of other people, felt that Bush was the closest thing to Reagan we were going to get. Besides...Dukakis looked like a dork riding around in a tank with a helmet on. I REALLY admired Barbara Bush... I think she’s got spice.}

1992
William J. Clinton (Albert A. Gore, J.) D
George H. Bush (J. Danforth Quayle) R ***
H. Ross Perot (James B. Stockdale) I
{I have disliked Clinton from the very beginning. Couple of reasons... Anyone nicknamed “Slick Willie” has got to have a good reason why he got the name in the first place. He proved me right ...over and over and over. I disliked Hillary “RODEM” Clinton as much as I disliked her husband. In March of 1992 she said, “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life.” My question was.... If you have kids, shouldn’t you stay home with your kids and bake them cookies?” To me she cheapened stay-at-home-moms. Someday I will send Mr. Clinton a “Thank You” card. Because of his “weenie-wag” I got to explain to my pre-teen children what oral sex was because that’s all they heard about on the news. Bush would have probably won re- election if Perot hadn’t diverted a lot of the conservative votes. I still thought Bush was wimpy...especially after he failed to roll the troops into Baghad... But here again, he was the lesser of the evils.}

1996
William J. Clinton (Albert A. Gore, Jr.) D
Robert J. Dole (Jack F. Kemp) R ***
H. Ross Perot (Pat Choate) RP
{Voted for Dole... still thought Perot was an idiot and disliked “The Clintons” even more than in 1992. My hair still stands on end when I remember “Hillary” stating “I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” WE???? I don’t remember her taking the “Oath of Office.”}

2000
George W. Bush (Richard B. Cheney) R ***
Albert A. Gore (Joseph I. Lieberman) D
Ralph Nader (Winona LaDuke) – GP
{I like Bush Jr. He’s a good old boy and I don’t care what anybody says about him. I distrust Gore and don’t think he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for for making a movie and hyping up the Global Warming hysteria. (Oh, don’t get me wrong...I think the Earth is getting warmer, but the Earth does that time to time... Look at the Little Ice Age (1600 to 1850 AD)). I have only one thing to say about Nader....HAHAHAHEHEHEHOHOHO}

2004
George W. Bush (Richard B. Cheney) R  ***
John F. Kerry (John Edwards) D
{I still liked Bush Jr.... Besides, he said he’s going to end the War any day now!!! John Kerry is a disgusting, yellow-bellied, lying, moron, numskull. (Did I mince my words???) During his campaign he was asked why, if he was such an environmentally-conscience person, was there a gas-guzzling SUV parked in his driveway. His answer??? “Oh, it’s not mine, it’s my wife’s car.” I would rather he had just said, “I’m older now and my butt hurts so I need a big, cushy, leather-covered seat and you can only get that in BIG cars.” The other thing I found repulsive about him was his Purple Heart awards in Viet Nam. I’m sorry, if you’re eating a 3-minute egg and as you tap the top with a knife and part of it gets in your eye... You DO NOT qualify for a Purple Heart for “Shell fragment in eye.” Don’t pee on my leg and then tell me it’s raining. Eliminating Kerry only left one choice... unless I wanted to squander my vote on a candidate that would NEVER win.}

2008
John S. McCain III (Sarah Louise Heath Palin) R
Baraak H. Obama II (Joseph R. "Joe" Biden, Jr.) D
{McCain has earned his lumps...the hard way...when he was staying at the Hilton in downtown Hanoi. Regarding Palin....I don’t understand how someone can go from being mayor of Mooseburg, Alaska, (actually Wasilla, AK pop. 6,300), then governor of Alaska for two years and then the VP nominee in just 6 years. Only in America!!!. Wikipedia states, “Shortly after taking office in October 1996, Palin consolidated the position of museum director and asked for updated resumes and resignation letters from some top officials, including the police chief, public works director, finance director, and librarian.” WOW, those are some hefty public servant positions. I suspect that experience will really help when going toe-to-toe with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!!!!  I respect Joe Biden.... In a small way, he and I have walked on the same path of life. Obama... Sometimes he makes me nervous. Sometimes he says a lot without saying a thing. All I can say is maybe it’s time for a shake-up.}

Something You Won't Hear On The Golf Course For Quite A While.

"Hey, OJ, can we play through?"

Kari's Quest For Political Knowledge

My darling wife Kari was born and raised in the Democratic-Monarchy for Norway. Over there they have something like 35 different political parties that sit in the single-house parliment called "Storting" (It literally means "the big gathering").

A few weeks ago I asked Kari if she were to register to vote, would she be a Democrat or a Republician. I started into one of my "ask me what time it is and I'll tell you how to build a watch" descriptions. After about 10 seconds I watched as her eyes glazed over.

Ever since then I have tried to find a way to explain the difference between the two major parties in our government.

A friend sent me this story and I believe it will explain everything Kari needs to know:

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, "That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican party."

A Little Piece of Heaven In My Backyard

Today we had a visit with Nikki, Ethan (her boyfriend), baby Sophia, Heather and little McKenzie.

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When the Lord answers your prayers, be sure and tell Him thank you.... "Thank You, Lord."

God DOES Answer Prayers

After not laying eyes on one of my wayward daughters (Nikki) for almost two years, I bumped into her today quite by accident. When I first saw her and realized who she was, my first inclination was to tell her what a dirt bag she is and remind her of all the pain and internal grief Kari and I have suffered because of her since 2004.

In one of those surrealistic moments where a second seems like an hour, I realized, "What difference does it make? If I scream and yell I will only continue the bitterness that I have felt in my heart for so very long." I long ago realized all the things I did wrong with her and maybe...just maybe, she too has had the same enlightening thoughts.

I know it sounds contrite but I asked myself, "What would JC have done in this situation?" Then I had a clear vision in my head of Jesus clearing the money changers from the Temple. HE WAS PISSED that they had defiled the Holy Temple. But rather than exploding and losing control, He bent down and weaved a whip...thereby holding in check his anger and keeping his self control....THEN he kicked butt and didn't take names.

If I had lost control with Nikki I would have invalidated all the things I have tried so very hard to learn and that Kari has so lovingly taught me during the past few years.

I looked Nikki straight in the eyes and said, as lovingly and as fatherly-like as I could, "Hi Nikki...I'm so very glad to see you." She said, "Hi...yeah, it's been a long time. See, I have a baby now (holding up the baby carrier). Why didn't you call me?" I said, "Well, Nikki, it's kind of hard for me to call you when I don't know your number and don't have a clue where you are at." She said, "Oh, yeah, huh.... Well here's my number...."

We talked for about 10 minutes and then when I felt it was time to go I said, "Can I give you a hug?" She said, "Sure." and we did and then I said, "I'll call you tonight or tomorrow."

I turned to walk away and then had a thought. I turned back around and almost blurted out how much I missed her and how desperately I wanted to have a family relationship with her and her baby and I wanted to cry and beg for her forgiveness for my part in the hurtfulness that had happened between us.  Instead I said, "By the way... Sophia is cute...but there is one thing I don't care for about her...She's got more hair than I do and she's only six weeks old." HA HA HA. We both laughed and I turned and walked away knowing that with time the giving and the receiving of forgiveness will take care of itself.

Let me introduce you to my newest grandbaby....Sophia Nikkole Boisvert... and her mommy Nikki.

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I Got Tagged

This is a cute little thing that my daughter-in-law Christy did on her Web-page:

i am – Bob... Look for the label on my back. If you do not specifically ask for the genuine Bob (from Millie and Frank), some retailers may take the liberty to substitute another bob in my place. If you want the best bob, demand genuine Bob, I was made in Japan from American parts. I am Southern California's most popular bob. Do not accept substitutes! I come with a, “One Year Satisfaction, Money Back Guarantee,” but I can assure you that you will not find a better quality Bob than me.

i think - professional wrestling is fake.

i know – the lyrics to most cartoon theme songs from my youth.

i want – to retire in 10 years, 8 months, 19 days and spend summers in Norway and winters in California....I also want people to stop calling it "Bush’s War".... It’s the President’s orders that send in the troops but it is Congress’ failure to bring the troops home.

i have – an incredible wife and a children “score” of 80%.

i wish – my screw-ball sister and her half-brained, dim-witted  husband would move to Punjab, Pakistan.

i hate – being asked self-obvious questions (i.e. I’ll be standing there shaving and someone asks, “What are you doing?”). - I hate singing in church...they never sing the songs I want to sing.

i miss – my babies (they all grew up).

i fear– almost nothing...except four-year olds with AK-47 assault rifles, snakes coming out of the sewer and biting my butt, fanatics (political, religious, UFO ...) and being forced to eat cauliflower, lima beans or liver.

i feel – that the best form of birth-control is for a young couple to spend three days and two nights with a child in its “Terrible Twos” with a runny nose and a BAD case of diarrhea.

i hear - my mother's voice inside my head...the older I get the more I find myself saying the exact same things she said to me.

i smell – with my nose.

i search – for constant and long-lasting inner peace.

i wonder- why we celebrate Columbus Day when Leif Ericson beat him to North America by 400 years?

i regret – more than can be listed here.

i love – the smell of my wife’s hair as she lays cuddled up in front of me as we spoon in the morning... playing “string” with my cat...a cold Mountain Dew and a cold Hershey’s chocolate bar. But most of all I love the Lord for letting me do things to disprove how dumb I really am.

i care – that people try to do the best that they are capable of ... NOT when someone gives up half-way through and says that is their best.

i always – worry about things I can’t change...My wife, on the other hand, worries about things she CAN change.

i am not – a dog-lover. (The only good dog is a HOT DOG) or a Dodger fan.

i believe – that God has ten fingers and ten toes.

i dance – like a hyperactive engineer doing the Stiff-Legged Sailor dance. (Alternate answer: like an old woman with arthritis who uses a walker to get around.)

i sing – like a frog with a sinus infection.

i don't always - say morning prayers.

i write – like I think. I take what the little voice in my head says and I put it on paper.

i win – at air-guitar and air-drum playing contests while driving in my truck listening to music.

i lose – my glasses, my keys, my badge for work... sometimes I find them and sometimes I don’t.

i never – intentionally cheat someone.

i listen – to the sounds of silence (evening crickets, a light breeze moving leaves, etc.).

i can usually be found – in front of a computer.

i'm scared – of being alone when I die – of dying a long drawn out death from cancer or other wasting disease - of suddenly developing Turrets and spitting verbal outbursts the instant I start speaking in front of church.

i read – girlie magazines and cheap dime-store detective crime novels.

i'm happy about – having a wife, children, cousins and two or three friends who love me in spite of who I am and how I act.

I WANT ONE!!!!!

Description .... It's called a Mouse Jiggler.

Ocean

Oh Lord, Your ocean is so great and my boat is so small.

Cameron Leaves For Ft. Hood, TX

My baby boy (AKA Cameron) left yesterday to his first Army duty station...36th Engineering Brigade Official Webpage at Ft. Hood, Texas

2nd Periodic “ID This Picture And Win A Burger”

OK...No tricks this time HE HE.

Name in piece of land and where on Earth it is at and I will buy you an In-N-Out FEAST at In-N-Out's 60th Year Anniversary on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008. All hamburgers will be sold for 25 cents, Cheeseburgers 30 cents, Fries 15 cents, and drinks will be 10 cents!!! You drive me to your favorite In-N-Out restaurant and I'll pay the first $10 of your feast...I'll even toss in $20.00 to help with the gas.

This 2nd Periodic “ID This Picture And Win A Burger” is specifically opened to anyone who's name is ...or has ever been ... Boisvert OR Brownlee...Or if you have ever talked to a Boisvert/Brownlee at least once in your life. There is no small print associated with this 2nd Periodic “ID This Picture And Win A Burger” Contest. (However, if you try to conherse Kari about the photo you will be invalidated and tossed out of the contest.  (Kari can't keep a secret when one of her kids look at her with big brown eyes with a tear in the corner.

Here's the picture:



Good luck!!!

My Rack Grew By 50% Today

This is my new "rack." It used to consist of a "Navy Good Conduct Medal" (left) and a "National Defense Medal" (middle). As of today I discovered that I am elegable to wear the "Navy Sea Service Deployment Ribbon" (right)


(See http://www.gruntsmilitary.com/nssd.shtml)

It's kind of hard to believe that I did 8 years of active Navy service and I end up with three medals/ribbons. My son Cameron has served in the Army for 8 months... all of these in ***traning commands*** and he has ***4*** medals/ribbons.

Could someone please explain this to me?

Could it be that the Army/Air Force gives out its medals/ribbons as the prize in a McDonalds Happy Meal?

A Dog And His Boy

Lipstick On A Pig

Baraak Obama said something a few weeks ago about putting lipstick on a pig..."You can put lipstick on a pig, [but] it's still a pig."

It is reported that former President Bill Clinton sat up and took notice and said, "If she's got lipstick, you can bet I'll kiss her.

Telemark Bunad

verbage to be added later

Read The Small Print

Today, we ALMOST had a winner in the 1st Periodic “ID This Picture And Win A Burger” Contest. Unfortunately, by failing to read the "small print," the submitter and "almost winner" invalidated the contest, thereby leaving the In'N'Out Double-Double Animal Style burger unclaimable.

Sorry, folks, better luck next time. :-(

Psalms 25:6-7

Psalms 25:6-7
6     Remember, O LORD, thy tender mercies and thy loving-kindnesses;
for they have been ever of old.
7     Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions:
according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O LORD.

Kari read this to me last night and I spent a lot of time today thinking about these verses.The two parts that touched me were:

"O LORD, thy tender mercies and thy loving-kindness"
and
"Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions"

"Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ." (David A. Bednar - April 2005)

Every day I pray to the Lord and ask, "Oh Lord, please try not to remember how stupid I was as a young person."...I wish I knew then what I know now...Life would have been very different for me.

I remember when Tim was about 12 or 13, he went with me to the LA Temple. I went in for a couple of hours and Tim hung around outside, tormenting the newly-wed brides and watching movies in the Visitor's Center. On our way home I stopped to get gas. Tim went inside the store and I filled up. As I filled up a VERY skuzzy- looking woman came up to me and gave some cock and bull story and said she needed money for blah blah blah. I told her to go away and buzz off. She walked away and all of a sudden it hit me, "What if her story were true and she surely was in trouble and needed cash for blah blah blah." I stopped pumping gas, took about 10 steps over to her and gave her $10. I returned and continued pumping the gas. After we drove off, Tim asked me why I had, "given that woman some money," (he had watched me out the window of the store). I told him that she needed money for blah blah blah and I felt the Spirit move me to give her some money. Tim said, "she went onto the store and bought cigarettes and a couple of beers. Dad," he continued, "you gave her money for tobacco and alcohol." I thought about this for a couple of minutes and then told Tim, "I did as I have been taught to do...Christ has taught us to help the poor and the needy...I acted in a Christ-like manner...the burden is off my shoulders...and onto hers...someday she will have to account for the fact that she didn't use the money for blah blah blah...I can hold my head erect and report to the Lord that I obeyed His commandment that said, "A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you..." Tim and I drove on chatting about this and that and other things.

About 45 minutes later, we were driving down this windy road (Garlock Road), when all of a sudden there was a car screeching around the bend up ahead... in my lane!!! As the car swerved back into its own lane and passed me, I saw that it was filled with laughing teenagers and moving at least 30 MPH over the maximum speed. I slammed on the brakes, as I rounded the bend, and came to a stop. All of a sudden it occurred to me...the amount of time that I had missed being in a head-on collision was equal to the time that I had spent walking over to the skuzzy woman, giving her the money and returning to the gas pump.

Happenstance luck or tender mercy of the Lord????

I know what I believe...and you'll never convince me otherwise.

I believe that only through the tender mercies of the Lord, I remain on this Earth to tell you this story.

Obama vs. McCain vs. Barbie

[caption id="attachment_144" align="alignnone" width="490" caption="Obama T-Shirts"][/caption]

So I ask you.... If Obama is so popular....Why do you have to buy a T-Shirt (at $16.99 each) to show you're voting for him? Shouldn't he give you a free shirt to win your support.

It's kind of like the age old question....If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy friends to play with her????

The Brothers Boisvert (cont.)

While continuing our investigation into the Brothers Boisvert notorious family crime organization, a very telling picture of Frank Boisvert was found in the Shreveport Air Force Base Police picture archive. Mr. Boisvert was detained in 1999, when it was learned that he was intimately familiar and deeply involved with the movement of many Weapons of Mass Destruction. While the people in charge were fast asleep, Mr. Boisvert and three of his co-conspirators would enter the "Load Barn" and remove weapons that they had been directed to remove for their diabolical plans. After being detained, for a long period of time, Mr. Boisvert was released, without bond or criminal indictment. Mostly because of very circumstantial evidence being used against him.

[caption id="attachment_137" align="alignnone" width="412" caption="Frank Boisvert mug shot taken during his detainment in 1999."][/caption]

Please rest assured that the investigation into this crime organistation called The Brotheres Boisvert, will be continued until every one of their dark secrets are reveled and reported.

Want To See My Magic Wigglee?

I asked my sons Tim and Frank if they wanted to see a picture of my magic wigglee?

One called me a "Pervert" and the other threatened to call the police and have me arrested.

So I ask you, my faithful blog readers.....

Do you want to see a picture of my magic wigglee?

Look further down the page.....

.....further down .....

.....further.....

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[caption id="attachment_132" align="alignnone" width="490" caption="My magic wigglee"][/caption]

ID This Picture ... Win A Burger

[caption id="attachment_129" align="aligncenter" width="490" caption="ID This Picture And Win A Burger"][/caption]

So starts the 1st Periodic "ID This Picture And Win A Burger" Contest. The rules are simple ... Identify this exact location and I will buy you a burger. (Contest closed to Kari!!!).

The Brothers Boisvert

Ridgecrest, CA (AP) This normally quiet desert town was jolted awake this past weekend to the announcement of the landmark resolution between the notorious Boisvert brothers. (See “Landmark Resolution in Local Family’s BMW Hullabaloo”)

These brothers were brought up in a typical middle-class family but decided to take the path of a criminal syndicate. Following these brothers’s history is like watching a TV mini-series about the Mafia-gone-crazy.

There have been numerous run-ins with the law for the brothers Boisvert. They have racked up many clashes with the law including firearms and explosives violations, indecent exposure, dumping of toxic wastes and public intoxication. It has been rumored that they prefer “younger” females and make no secret of their preferences. This behavior seems to be “normal” for them. The older bother, Frank, has even been overheard stating, “Yeah, so what if she is young…It’s no big deal, as a matter of fact she’s pregnant with my child.” It brings back images of Jerry Lee Lewis in his younger days.

The younger brother, Tim Boisvert, has made several suspicious overseas trips this past year. He has shuttled between Europe, India and southeastern Asia several times. When his family and friends were questioned about these trips they admitted, “We have no idea what Tim does when he’s over there.” It has been rumored that his trips involved drug running and illegal overseas shipment of advanced technology arms to organizations unfriendly with USA foreign policies. Unfortunately Tim has managed to stay one step ahead of his investigators.

Frank Boisvert, the older brother, has had his background investigated several times, in the past dozen years, by federal authorities, but nothing significant has been revealed. Through “Yellow-Dog Politics,” this brother has managed to cover his tracks and elude prosecution.

The “Landmark Resolution” article makes reference to “local resident” Steve McGee. Mr. McGee is actually Glenn A. Brownlee of Rexburg, ID, where he is posing as a student at a major university. Brownlee is living with his “wife” and will soon be moving. Could they too be trying to flee the police? In addition to the “McGee” alias, Brownlee has also gone by the pseudonyms Gladys O’Mally, Schmooglie Poo and Googly Bear. His exact involvement in the Boisvert brothers crime syndicate is unknown at this time.

The items of the “Landmark Resolution” article indicated that the brothers agreed that Tim Boisvert would be acknowledged as the “first owner of a BMW in the Boisvert/Brownlee family. This acknowledgment is completely untrue. A check of DMV (California) records indicated that the Boisvert brother’s father, a Mr. Robert Boisvert of Ridgecrest) owned a BMW a least 20 years before Tim Boisvert claim to fame. The BMW was gray in color and used by the young and troubled Boisvert brothers as a flogging device on trips to desolate desert locations.

The “Landmark Resolution” also acknowledged that Frank Boisvert was the more superior driver of all vehicular except sail-boats. When this question was verified with Robert Boisvert, patriarch of the Boisvert/Brownlee clan, he indicated that if his son Frank was a good and superior driver, “It’s because I taught him everything he knows about driving a car.”

Mr Robert concluded the interview by stating that the part of the article that upset him the most was the reference to his “penis” truck. I would prefer in the future, Mr. Boisvert said, “If they were going to reference my truck, they should have refered to it as a “BIG, LONG, RED, hard bodied” penis truck.”

It is obvious that this it NOT the last time we’ve heard from these infamous brothers.

Navy Uniform

While Kari and I were tele-dating (before I flew to Norway and she swept me off my feet), she delicately asked me...knowing that I had served to hitches in the Navy... Does your uniform still fit? "Heck," I said, "The only part of my uniform that still fits are the socks." In a heartbeat she said, "Maybe it's time to give the top back to Donald Duck :-)"

Whenever she sees a picture of me in my Navy dress-blues she calls it my "Donald Duck Suit."

Submarine Sea Story (1)

I was stationed at Pearl Harbor for two years in '72/'74....USS Tautog (SSN639). Believe it or not but I was a diesel mechanic. HUGH Fairbanks-Morse ND 8 1/8" opposed piston monster. There's a picture at http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a4/Opposed_piston_engine_1.jpg of the same model engines on a boat (USS Pampanito)....she had two engines and the Tautog had one. Those were crazy days. I went there as a "lost" 19 year old and left as a 21 year old husband. Worked 14 hour days and every 3rd day a "stay on the boat for 24 hours day" duty day) when we were in port. That's when I did some really dumb youthful things that I have spent a lifetime trying to forget. ;-)

In '72, the CO made us disconnect the "starter" system (high pressure air), before we went into places we didn't belong doing things that shouldn't have been done...so there was no way the diesel could be "accidentally" started since its noise would have given us away in a second...scariest hours of my life. I remember shaking I was so scared.

I'm afraid that were it to happen NOW I would say to the captain "Please let me off the boat" if they announced we were sneaking into an enemy harbor today. I've become very cautious in my old age.

In '74 I changed my job from mechanic to Sonar Technician and that's where I learned electronics, digital electronics and "computer repair." I was "trained" about computers on a BiTran-6 trainer. http://www.iavalley.cc.ia.us/~thatcher/bitransix.jpg I don't remember much about it, except we programmed it in machine code and punch-tape. It had like 1k of memory and we were SUPER impressed with "all that memory." When I got to my next boat (USS John Adams SSBN620) our sonar computer had 64k and I remember thinking..."What are we going to do with all that memory!!!!" We used it to calculate the speed and path of sound in the water.

In my pre-married days I was a hard charger. I would work all day in port and after work was over and before we could leave the boat I would go in the head and scrub with Lava soap up to about 3 inches above the wrist bone. Then I'd scrub my head, face and hair...all this at the sink. We had to go on liberty in dress uniform (you know, the Donald Duck sailor suit? Only I wore pants.) we'd party until 0200 or 0300 and then get back to the boat and crash until 0600. (The bunks had vinyl covers that zipped up over the matrice and sheets...so you could lay on the bed and not stain the sheets from your dirty greasy bodies. We'd get up exhausted and hung-over and yet work a full day...just to do the same thing over again that night. On the third day we had to stay onboard the boat over night (called "having the "Duty"), so that was when we would properly shower, eat a decent meal and get a good night's sleep....unless you had "guard duty" from midnight until 0400. :-( In the six months between the time I reported aboard and when we went into the shipyards we were in port like 20 days. There was no alcohol allowed on the boat (Navy commandment!!!!) So when we were at sea we had to sober up and fly straight. So when we were in port we felt we had a lot of partying and drinking to make up for.

Trust me... I DO NOT miss those days.

Saturday and Sunday was "stand-down" and there was minimal work on the boat while it was in port. So if you had "duty" on Friday you would have Saturday and Sunday off and didn't have to report back to the boat until 0700 Monday morning.

I started drinking Saturday morning at like 0900 and pretty soon everything goes fuzzy. The next thing I specifically remember was being woken up at 0600 in the Forward Auxiliary Machinery Room behind the #1 Oxygen Generator, face up on the floor. My uniform was cut and ripped, my shoe laces were missing, my wallet was missing (I found it later devoid of money) and I had a HUGH bruise on my right chin/cheek. I found out later that I had gone to a strip club and got punched by the dancer when I tried to tuck a dollar bill into her g-string...from the wrong direction.

After that experience I pretty much swore off drinking hard alcohol and would rarely even have a beer. I quit drinking all alcohol in about 1978... A year before I got out of the navy.

Chicks Are into Closets and Men are into Entertrainment Systems

In the "Comment: section" of the last post our friend "D" commented, "That closet is AWESOME. Did you design it or did you use something like ClosetMaid?

Kari designed it with the help of IKEA. We talked about it for a long time and we decided that if we were going to do it, it would be a dream closet.  She got an IKEA catalog and studied it and went through about 43 ka-gillion revisions and then she got on the computer/phone and found out which stores had which pieces.

We then had an IKEA day where we went to three different S. Cal. IKEAs and brought it all home in my truck.  We also picked up about a ton of garden rocks. Needless to say the truck was VERY top-heavy that night. We (with the help of our young friend Emery) unloaded everything into the garage. The INSTANT the contractor put the finishing touches on the closet we started pushing him out the door,  The we started dragging stuff in and building. It took about 15 hours total over three days. We then sat on the floor and enjoyed our handy-work. We invite people to see our remodel. The men all look at the entertainment alcove and the ladies all head straight to the closet. Whoever said men are from Mars and women are from Venus really hit the nail on the head.

 

The most amazing thing about the closet project is my darling wife. We built the closet in the highest part of summer heat, shoulder to shoulder, sweating like a couple of pigs...and we didn't exchange a single cross word to each other. She's an amazing woman. She'd catch my mistakes and I'd catch hers....Then we'd laugh and fix it.

 

Life is sweet with Kari. :-)

What an amazing woman that I'm married to.

Remodel

After six glorious months the Boisvert "Garden and Bedroom Remodel" is almost (99%) complete.

Here is a link to the pictures. (Kari ***LOVES*** the closet (I call it the "Chick Closet") and we spend a lot of mornings and evenings sitting on the patio watching and listening to the waterfall.)

BTW... In March we went to San Diego and while there we went to two plant nurseries. We wanted to buy a potted Bird of Paradise. All the people at both nurseries told us that the BofP would NEVER grow in the desert...too much heat.

We bought it any way and we have been attending to it all summer. We named the plant "Birdie." Birdie has been sending up new leaf shoots all summer so we know the heat was NOT doing her in... Two weeks ago two new shoots came up that looked different. Kari observed to me one day..."I think Birdie is sprouting two flowers." I am proud to announce that Birdie's first flower opened today.

Kari and I would like to announce the opening of our first grand-baby-flower. No name yet but it is an incredible orange, blue and green flower. I will send picture and statistics later.

....and they said it couldn't be done!!!!!

PS... Thank you Russ Hurst for all your dedicated work. :-)

New Growth

It's not unusual for the C-Diff bug to take two or three med cycles to kill off. It happens 15% of the time. I think it is very resilient to even the strongest anti-bacterial/anti-parasitic meds. If even ONE bacteria/parasite get's past the meds it only takes a short time for it to build another colony.

I have become very "concerned" about anti-biotics over this whole incident. From now on I will not take another "broad spectrum" antibiotic...I'll just wait for the culture to come back. On my last visit with the specialist I asked him to rate the severity of my illness. He said, "You had a mild to medium case of C-Diff Colitis." I said, "THAT was a mild to medium case? What happens with a SEVERE case?" Without even blinking he replied, "I take your colon out." :-(

I feel that I've grown from this incident and that I have learned several "life lessons" from this. My mother died of breast cancer that metastasized into the stomach. She fought it for five years. The last year of her life was miserable and horrible. The Lord granted me the tiniest taste of what she went through. :-(

Weather Report

It's 7:00PM on August 31

Temperature
85.5 F

Humidity
11%

Wind
West 15 MPH with gusts up to 25 MPH

The swamp-cooler just shifted from "low" to "off" for about a minute.

Dang....

Autumn is almost here ;-)

It's a Good Day :-D

I woke up this morning for the first time in 17 months without pain or discomfort in my rear-end. I awoke an hour early and, after letting in a meowing cat from outdoors, I just lay in bed revelling in my pain-free euphoria.

I got notified that I'm getting a merit raise pay increase...1st one in five years.

My oldest son Frank, his wife and step-son came over last evening to show us ultra-sound pictures of the baby developing in Jeni's tummy. (My first genetic grandchild and my seventh grandchild all together...I love grandchildren...they're so much fun to tease :-D )

I get to spend time this afternoon with my granddaughter McKenzie.

I'm madly and passionately in love with my wife Kari. (We celebrate our 8th anniversary Oct. 26)

But most important of all, Kari loves me as much as I love her.

My life is good...even when I forget for a moment about all the blessings the Lord gives me.

Death To C-Diff Bug

I went to the butt doctor yesterday and he told me that from all indications we got the C-Diff Colitis bug that has made me so sick for so long. It's been a tough 17 months but I have learned a lot about myself along the way.

A friend told me a couple of weeks ago, "You're tougher than you think. You're a survivor. Why? Because you're still here."

My faith in the medical profession has been rattled...lots of unnecessary and unwarranted tests and procedures, indifferent doctors and many who thought I was over stating my level of pain. The bright side is that I was treated by one of the finest doctors I have ever seen... Dr. Eiman Firoozman (https://www.lacolon.com/). Believe it or not but he would actually return phone calls himself rather than have an assistant call. I highly recommend him to anyone with rear-end problems.

Also, my respect and love for Pam Childers (AKA Painless Pam) has sky-rocketed way off the "Respect-O-Meter."

And last but certainly not least, my darling wife Kari...My love for her grows stronger every day. She stood by me every step of the way..."Did you take your meds?" "Of course I'll drive you three hours to the doctor's in Beverly Hills." "What's your pain level?" Kari is my companion for Eternity and I thank the Lord for sending her to me. I scorn and say "BAH" to those who ever doubted that we would make a good union. I love you Kari.

Lube Job

When I was in the Navy we (the guys who had been on the boat for a couple of years) would trick a “new kid” to get his fingers pinched in a big vice back in the Engine Room. Once the “newbie non-qual” was secured and not going anywhere his pants and shorts would get pulled down to his ankles. Next a grease gun would be inserted in his butt crack and pumped full of “Boy Butter.” The trick was called a “Lube Job” and the officers would go berserk trying to chase down who had defiled the new guy. Fortunately they all kept their mouths shut cause they knew worse things would befall them if the pointed fingers.

The Day After

I am tired of rolling in the mud over Heather and Nikki. As Frank told me once before, "Just let them go!" The court report, I spoke of, was from a social worker that looked at all the reports from when the girls were running away. The social worker blamed Kari and I for their bad behavior and even went so far as to say that my marrying Kari tramatized them into their bad behavior. Brett and Heather have gotten back together and Kari and I just don't have the energy to fight with them for visitation with McKenzie.

I have eight children and four grandchildren that think that Kari and I are OK parents. I have touched the lives of many young people who bring honor to themselves and our friendship.

In court yesterday the judge closed their (Brett and Heather) divorce case and the report was never even considered.

To Heather and Nikki I say God bless you and go forward with peace....I mean you no harm, I mean you no ill.

No Account Anyway

Someone recently said some terrible things about me and my wife Kari in a report to the local court. I was very angry and wanted to retaliate until I remembered a story told by President Gordon B. Hinckley in a conference talk:

Once a man who had been slandered by a newspaper came to Edward Everett asking what to do about it. Said Everett, “Do nothing! Half the people who bought the paper never saw the article. Half of those who saw it, did not read it. Half of those who read it, did not understand it. Half of those who understood it, did not believe it. Half of those who believed it are of no account anyway” (“Sunny Side of the Street,” Nov. 1989; )

So I will let these silly little people say what they want and we will move forward with dignity.

Bug Up My Butt

All those in the know have observed that I have been sick for several months. Things just haven't been right "South of My Border." Last week I had a colonoscopy. After it was over, the doctor sadly told me that we couldn't find anything wrong. The next day I was deeply depressed. When the phone rang I didn't expect the doctor to be at the other end. He was calling to tell me that a lab result showed that I tested positive for a parasitic bacteria called "Clostridium Difficile" or C-Diff for short. It's caused as the end result of taking antibiotics. When the antibiotics kill the desired targets, it also kills the intestinal flora that we need to fully dispose of waste from our bodies.

I wanted to tell everyone that a "bug had crawled up my butt."

My darling wife convinced me that I should more properly say that I had a "Parasitic infestation in my Sigmoid colon."

PS...Idea for title accidentally stolen from "Dave The Man, Myth, Legend." Sorry Dave, I'll try harder next time.

Kids!!!!!

When I got home from Home Depot this evening there were a bunch of 15-year old kids standing on my lawn. I jammed open my truck door and bellowed.....

"HEY YOU KIDS...GET OFF MY LAWN!!!! I MEAN IT"

"YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPERS. MESSING UP MY NEW GRASS...YOU MUST ALL BE DEMOCRATS. STUPID LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING KIDS!!!!! YOU MUST ALL BE DRAFT-DODGERS!!!!"

Bunk Sweet Bunk ... The only place you could get even the smallest semblance of privacy on a submarine.

When I was a junior sailor on a submarine they would assign 3 bunks to be shared by 5 men. When you got off watch and ready to collapse you go to berthing and find one of the three bunks that was empty and crawl in and sleep....Since you were a non-qual (not earned your Silver Dolphins) you were only allowed to sleep for 6 hours...then you had to be up and studying for qualifications for 6 hours. It is called "Hot Racking" because the sheets never get a chance to cool off. Sheets got washed once a week no matter what!!!! I Hot Racked for one patrol...With a MK 48 torpedo as a bunk-mate. The three portable bunks were strapped between two "fish" (torpedoes) in the Torpedo Room and you had to roll over the inboard torpedo to plop into the bed.

King Solomon

I was reading in Proverbs today and I found:

"It is better to live in a corner of the roof, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman."

Do you wonder if King Solomon was hen-pecked?

Gene Brewer Is A Bully

I was talking to some friends about a mutual friend Gene Brewer:
Yeah, Gene would be sitting around with his feet up since he never did an honest days' work anyway and he would think.... "I need someone to pick on." Instantly "easy pickin's" would come to mind and he would come over to the 70048 building and steal my lunch money. And if that weren't bad enough,  he would pick me up and stick my head in the lady's room toilet and flush it. While I would be laying on the tile flooring sobbing my eyes out Gene would walk away counting the money he had taken from me.

Be on notice Mr. Gene Brewer.... I WANT MY LUNCH MONEY BACK.

Kindness Is The Order Of The Day

I'm in one of my "Blue" periods. VERY LONG story and I'm tired of even thinking about it. Kari is also having a tough time of it with the Fibro and a pulled muscle in her back.

She called me to tell me that she renewed her tanning subscription and my first reaction was to chew her out for wasting money. But I caught myself as I have managed to do for almost 8 years. My friend said something in passing the other day and it had reminded me of some very bad feelings I had had when I was married to Connie. A lot of very bad and ugly things were said between us. BUT...Once they were said they could never be taken back.

I have made an extra effort to NOT say mean things to Kari. She is my sunshine. I cannot even begin to imagine what my life would be like without her. Even on the very worst day with Kari it is better then the best day with Connie during the last 15 years of our marriage.

Don't get me wrong...when Connie and I were young it seemed like everything wrong could be solved with sex. But after we grew older, other things became more important... Like not being kind to each other...and Connie had a hard time being kind to me and I to her...I think we said too many bad things through the years to let kindness reign supreme.

So yesterday when Kari annoyed me, I swallowed my annoyance and I let it slide. By the time I got home the annoyance had passed and our mutual kindness and love for each other was the order of the day.

Parent Sex

According to my sons Frank, Tim & Cameron... I have had sex exactly 3 times in my life... And it was in a dark room, lights off, blinds drawn, missionary position, we both had our eyes closed and our clothes on.... Frank says it is just way to creepy to think that his parents did THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read Your Bible

The other day I was in the doctor’s office patiently waiting for my turn to arrive. This lady came into the waiting room and sat down with her two kids    a boy about 9 and a girl about 11. After about a minute the little girl says to her mother “He wants to read his Bible but he says he’s not allowed to.” The woman blurted out “THAT’S Bxxl Sxxt.”

Then “Who says he can’t read his Fxxxing Bible?” The girl answered “Grandma says we shouldn’t read the Bible in public.” To which the mother loudly exclaimed “That Gxx Dxxx mother of mine should mind her own Fxxxing business...”

Somehow the language kind of negates the wonderfulness of the little boy wanting to read his scriptures.

My friend Sarah said "ROTFLMAO!! Bob you do manage to meet the most interesting people.  You remind me a bit of a Bugs Bunny cartoon when he is giving a monster a manicure."

I responde "You know, I don't ask these people to find me... They follow me around...sometimes I trip over them they're so thick."

My friend Grace said "But you're so good at that instant recall thing" you know, "you remember conversations verbatim.  I'm impressed!"

I responded to Grace by saying, "Kari says that I can eavesdrop on a lady in the next check stand aisle and remember EXACTLY what dumb thing she said,"    but I can't hear  a word she says to me when she asks me to go get her a soda next commercial. Ain't love GRAND!!!!

Fatherhood T-Shirts

I think I'm going to start getting my son's/son's-in-law t-shirts when they're expecting. It will say:

"Fatherhood: It's not just a job; it's a doo-dee"

Angles And Dangles

Thursday, 24 January 2008, 8:42 AM

My buddy Butch e-mailed me and asked: On submarines, did you ever get to do one of those humpback-whale-kind-of-broaches? That must really shake things loose."

I said, "About a dozen. We would do it just after we left port for a 90-day patrol. We called it "Angles and Dangles." You'd start out by going to 400 feet in depth and cranking up the speed to about 15 kts. You'd take some hard right turns and some hard left turns... Then they'd tip the bow over and steer 5 degree down and then 5 degree up...then a 10 degree down and 10 degree up. This would keep up until it was 30 degrees up and down. When you'd get to the higher angles, a stack of plates would invariably tip over with a HUGE crashing and breaking....followed by a even larger explosion of Filipino swear words from the Chief Filipino cook. After we secured from the Angles and Dangles, we would make our way down to Test Depth...66% of the manufacturers designed "crush depth" of the boat. We would settle out there for a few minutes and let the people in Sonar decide if there were anything in the area or on the surface. After Sonar gave an "all clear" report the Captain would order an Emergency Blow. The Chief of the Watch, who operated the Ballast Control Panel, would throw the quick-acting valves that would dump 4500-PSI air straight into the Ballast Tanks. At first, while the high pressure air was blowing into the ballast tanks, the upward movement was barely noticeable. After about 15 seconds you could feel yourself moving upward like as if you were in an elevator. As the depth gage would race towards zero the Sonarmen would be franticly searching for any undetected sounds from above them. When the boat "broached" on the surface it felt like the floor was being raised quickly by 2 feet and then dropped out from under you quickly. You would never be thrown in the air but you would definitely feel lighter on your feet. While the boat was in its last toss around you could count on another stack of plates invariably being tipped over followed by an even BIGGER stream of Filipino swear words.

The "published" purpose of this evolution was to make sure the boat was in perfect working order. But the REAL reason was so the Captain could prove to everyone in the crew that the boat really wasn't as secured and tied down as tightly as everyone was trying to say it was.

We would spend the next few hours restowing everything, cleaning up the mess and recharging the High Pressure Air Tanks to their maximum capacity. Then, and only then, would we dive the boat and get under way to start our 90 day patrol.

Most of the time these "Angles and Dangles" would turn out OK. There were at least two incidents where boats "emergency blew" into the bottom of a surface ship. The first was the USS George Washington in the Sea of China. From Wiki..."On 9 April 1981, the submarine surfaced underneath the Nissho Maru in the East China Sea about 110 miles south-southwest of Sasebo, Japan. The 2350-ton Japanese freighter Nisho-marui“ú¸ŠÛj sank in about 15 minutes. Two Japanese crewmen were lost; thirteen were rescued. The submarine suffered minor damage to her sail...The Navy accepted responsibility for the incident, and relieved and reprimanded the George Washington's commanding officer and the officer of the deck." (The captain was a guy named Cmdr. Robert Woehl...I served with him on the USS Lafayette when I was TDY for a month...Woehl was a JERK!!!!)

The second incident is described by Wiki: "In the year 2001, the American submarine USS Greeneville (SSN-772) accidentally struck and sank a Japanese high-school fisheries training ship, Ehime-Maru, killing nine Japanese aboard, including four students, 10 miles off the coast of Oahu. The collision occurred while members of the public were on board the submarine observing an emergency surface drill.

A naval inquiry found that the accident was the result of poorly executed sonar sweeps, an ineffective periscope search by the submarine's captain, Commander Scott Waddle, bad communication among the crew and distractions caused by the presence of the 16 civilian guests aboard the submarine. (It was also largely caused by a First Class Fire Control Technicial who was childishly pissed off because he hadn't been chosen to stay ashore for the day to make room for the "guests." He refused to do his job which was to keep track of all sonar contacts and help to maintain "The Big Picture" about where all other ships were at. I personally hold the FT1 with the greatest "blame." But ultimately it is the captain that is responsible for his ship.