Weird Is Weird

Oh, and as a point of qualification.... The word "weird" is a weird word because it doesn't follow the "I" before "E" except after "C" absolute rule.... That is the weird explanation about why weird is weird.

"Secure That Building"

Like it or not, but there are basic differences between the branches of the United States Armed Services.

If you give the command "SECURE THAT BUILDING", to a sailor, a soldier, a Marine and an airman, here is what each of the different services will do to carry out that order:

The NAVY will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY will surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS will assault the building, killing everyone inside using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.

The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

And you Sand Crabs (Navy jargon for civilians) think I'm kidding. Boy, have I got news for you.

An Important Secret Of Life

Make the impossible look easy.

A Father's Job

One of the most important jobs a father can do for his children is to snap pictures of them while they are in the most ridiculous and super embarrassing poses from their baby-hood.

Such is the example with this picture:



Frank was about 18 months old and LOVED to crawl into the laundry hamper and stick things in his mouth. I would NEVER humiliate Frank with the picture of him with my BVD's as his headgear.

I DARE Frank to post embarrassing pictures of me on his blog. ***I*** have more brains than to allow myself to be photographed in such a way that it can be used as blackmail.  THAT will happen ONLY when I am old, senile and living in a 3rd-rate Mexican nursing home in Tijuana.

H & N

"Don't confuse what is impressive with what is important."  (E. M. Forster in "Maurice".....I can't take credit for the quote... I gleaned it somewhere off the Internet.)

How Stupid Are We?

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -- Mark Twain

I love to watch the "Jay Walking" portion of "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Jay goes out on the streets and interviews people and asks them things like, "Can you point out Alaska on this map of the USA?" It is AMAZING how many people they show that have little or no concept of basic history, geography or even simple "civics."

But to see the ULTIMATE dumb blond video watch this:

 http://www.koreus.com/video/blonde-europe-pays.html

Facts About Norway

My buddy Mike W. said: "Ummm interesting... Never thought of them [Norwegians] as docile and kind... Especially after the images of Vikings are stuck in my mind since I was little..."

I replied:  "The Norwegian "mal-contents" moved to Minnesota in the 1870-1920 period. The Nazi's killed off most of the "thinkers" (teachers, doctors etc). After WWII Norway was a decimated country. When King Håkon VII and his son Crown Prince Olav came back from exile in England, they got what was left of the parliament together and said, "since we're rebuilding our country let's do it right."

Norway is very Socialist in thoughts and behavior. They have "womb to tomb" care of its people.... and a 53% income tax to go with it.

All the warriors got tired of the "peacefulness" and left a long time ago.

The biggest surprise I had, when I arrived in Norway to meet my Cyber-Sweetie, was that the place was certainly NOT what I had expected. There were no women running around in those Wagner type leather/brass bras and cow-horned helmets. I asked Kari if Norwegian women wore those things every day or just for special occations. I also discovered that hardly any of the women in Norway are blonde and they don't run around in their national dress saying things like "Uff Da" and "Yah, sure, you-betcha" and very few of the people are named Sven or Olga.  Oslo (the Norwegian capital) has a population of half a million and is not some wide spot in the dirt road, polar bears and reindeer do NOT run freely up and down the streets (well, actually, they do up north but the bears get shot and the reindeer get put back into the Sami herds. I also learned that the people of Norway do not run around half-naked and exercise free-love while they sit in saunas (that's in Finnland).  And lastly, I was totally amazed to learn that the national bird of Norway IS NOT a penguin.

 

Amazing Things I've Seen

Norwegians... They're not dumb.... But very docile and kind people.

My third trip over to Norway (Dec 2000) I needed to get out of the house for some "alone" time. So I walked to the mini-mart to get a soda...about 3 blocks... In about a metre of snow, snowploughed that morning. My trip back took me on an overpass and I stood there watching the cars pass underneith and drinking my nearly-frozen soda. All of a sudden one car slid into another and the two drivers got out and started yelling at each other and waving their arms.

I got so excited I ran back to the house and burst in telling Kari...."I just saw TWO things I've never seen before in Norway... A automobile accident and TWO pissed off Norwegians."

Her answer:

"I'm sure that they were most likely Swedes"

It's Almost Christmas Again

I found this e-mail that I wrote just after Christmas 2007:

It was chilly here this morning. I've been battling the flu for the past couple of days .I woke up today feeling better than I have in days….but I'm still not 100%... Too sick to get up and prance around but to well to stay home. I may end up giving up the good fight and go home to lay in my death-bed and moan. What makes it doubly bad is that Kari has the flu too and we lay there moaning together….in stereo….pathetically :-( When you're sick and your sweetheart is well she can pamper you and get you chicken soup…but when she is sick beside you, neither one has enough "wellness" to even change the channel on the TV and you lay there watching the "Threes Company" Marathon for two hours.

We had four kids at home for the holidays...I just want to know one thing...with four adult children at home for a week...why is it ***I'm*** the only one that can manage to empty a trashcan???? Even when it's overflowing with the soda cans I bought for them....AND...Why is it that everyone, who visits my house over the holidays, uses Kari's Mustang when they're home but when I get into it on Monday morning to come to work the "LOW FUEL" light is FLASHING at me? I had to drive the Mustang because someone had borrowed my truck keys and didn't return them to me. Am I the only one who can figure out how to put gas in my parent's car? :-)

So here's the real reason why I'm writing. Every morning I come to work and, being the first to arrive on the west side of the building, I am the one to turn the lights on. For some strange reason the neon light immediately over the entrance to my cube (your old one) refuses to light…. Oh, wait… I just figured out how to make that light go on….never mind :-):-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Son Tim in North Carolina just called. Remember he was on that month long round the world tour? While in India he spent a week playing tourist and visiting the Taj Mahalh and New Deli. He just called and told me that he has Giardiasis which is an infection of the intestine that is caused by the parasite, "Giardia Intestinalis." Before he went I told him (to the point of making him angry) DON'T DRINK THE WATER OR UNCOOKED FOOD!!!! When he called to tell me of his plight I asked him, "Did you drink only bottled water?" and he said, "Most of the time…"Oh well…now he's suffering…and the cure is almost worse than the disease.

WestPac Widows

When I was in Hawaii, stationed aboard the USS Tautog (SSN639) as a junior sailor, one of my jobs was to be a "pier line handler." When another boat would head to sea, four strapping young men would disconnect the 2 inch ropes, which, kept the boat snug against the pier.  We would throw the ropes into the water for the crew drag the wet ropes onto the boat for storage. The men on the boat couldn't throw their ropes into the water because the boat took the ropes with them to tie up in their next port-of-call. The  crew would have had to jump in the water and swim like crazy to catch up with their boat as it headed out the harbor. I did the job of pier line handler about 20 times.

Several of these boats were heading out on a 9-month cruise to the Western Pacific. This was called a WestPac. It was touching to see the wives standing on the pier, crying, holding their babies and waving a fond farewell to their husbands. They would stand there watching until the boat went out of sight around the first bend of the harbor. The women would tearfully go to their cars, load their children into the backseat and with a final tear get behind the steering wheel to carry on with their lives.

Being a hard charging, full-steam-ahead-19-year-old drove me to seek the companionship of fine young women of the "tourist" persuasion. Myself and a couple of my buddies would usually visit the finer drinking and dancing establishments perched atop the hotels of Waikiki.

It never failed to amaze me the number of young women, who we had last seen tearing up that very morning, dressed in their finest apparel and doing the Boogie-Two-Step with a man, who was definitely not her husband nor her brother, that was obviously going to get very lucky that night.

We referred to these women as WestPac Widows.

"Saying Goodbye to Missy The Cat"

I had to put my cat Missy "to sleep," about 11 years ago. She, unlike Bob The Cat, loved babies and served as their favorite furry pillow. Missy and the "current" baby at the time would nap in the afternoon sunlight on the carpet. When the first "baby" was old enough to go off to the Air Force, Missy got sick. She had kidney failure. The day she could no longer climb into her favorite chair was when I made the tough decision to take her to the vet. I put her on the bed to take her final picture. Even though she was barely awake, she managed to mustered her best cat-smile. She too knew where she was going and purred like a kitten in my lap. She stayed in my lap, with her head on her paw, as the vet agreed with my decision. She looked up at me, before the Vet sat down next to us, and said, "I love you Bob. Thanks for saving me from the pound, a day before it was 'too late.' Thanks for the laser-tag, the ear scratches behind the ears and that stash of catnip. Thanks for the Girl Scout cookies and glass of milk we shared every evening. I want you to know that I forgave you for that 'rubber band on the tail' trick and those horrible flea-baths your wife insisted you give me.  But... our babies are grown now and my job is done. I'm told that most cats go to the Celestial Kingdom and I'll be sure and ask for you as my owner. But most of all, Bob, thank you for those babies...it was nice of you to let me love them and babysit them. I loved those babies" Then she put her head down and when she stopped purring I knew she was gone. I cried for hours that afternoon. I buried her in the back yard and every spring flowers grow above her.

Now that the grand babies are arriving and they come to the house to visit, the replacement cats are way too busy to want to deal with them. The grand babies just don't know that the best nap is with Missy as their pillow.