I Got Tagged

This is a cute little thing that my daughter-in-law Christy did on her Web-page:

i am – Bob... Look for the label on my back. If you do not specifically ask for the genuine Bob (from Millie and Frank), some retailers may take the liberty to substitute another bob in my place. If you want the best bob, demand genuine Bob, I was made in Japan from American parts. I am Southern California's most popular bob. Do not accept substitutes! I come with a, “One Year Satisfaction, Money Back Guarantee,” but I can assure you that you will not find a better quality Bob than me.

i think - professional wrestling is fake.

i know – the lyrics to most cartoon theme songs from my youth.

i want – to retire in 10 years, 8 months, 19 days and spend summers in Norway and winters in California....I also want people to stop calling it "Bush’s War".... It’s the President’s orders that send in the troops but it is Congress’ failure to bring the troops home.

i have – an incredible wife and a children “score” of 80%.

i wish – my screw-ball sister and her half-brained, dim-witted  husband would move to Punjab, Pakistan.

i hate – being asked self-obvious questions (i.e. I’ll be standing there shaving and someone asks, “What are you doing?”). - I hate singing in church...they never sing the songs I want to sing.

i miss – my babies (they all grew up).

i fear– almost nothing...except four-year olds with AK-47 assault rifles, snakes coming out of the sewer and biting my butt, fanatics (political, religious, UFO ...) and being forced to eat cauliflower, lima beans or liver.

i feel – that the best form of birth-control is for a young couple to spend three days and two nights with a child in its “Terrible Twos” with a runny nose and a BAD case of diarrhea.

i hear - my mother's voice inside my head...the older I get the more I find myself saying the exact same things she said to me.

i smell – with my nose.

i search – for constant and long-lasting inner peace.

i wonder- why we celebrate Columbus Day when Leif Ericson beat him to North America by 400 years?

i regret – more than can be listed here.

i love – the smell of my wife’s hair as she lays cuddled up in front of me as we spoon in the morning... playing “string” with my cat...a cold Mountain Dew and a cold Hershey’s chocolate bar. But most of all I love the Lord for letting me do things to disprove how dumb I really am.

i care – that people try to do the best that they are capable of ... NOT when someone gives up half-way through and says that is their best.

i always – worry about things I can’t change...My wife, on the other hand, worries about things she CAN change.

i am not – a dog-lover. (The only good dog is a HOT DOG) or a Dodger fan.

i believe – that God has ten fingers and ten toes.

i dance – like a hyperactive engineer doing the Stiff-Legged Sailor dance. (Alternate answer: like an old woman with arthritis who uses a walker to get around.)

i sing – like a frog with a sinus infection.

i don't always - say morning prayers.

i write – like I think. I take what the little voice in my head says and I put it on paper.

i win – at air-guitar and air-drum playing contests while driving in my truck listening to music.

i lose – my glasses, my keys, my badge for work... sometimes I find them and sometimes I don’t.

i never – intentionally cheat someone.

i listen – to the sounds of silence (evening crickets, a light breeze moving leaves, etc.).

i can usually be found – in front of a computer.

i'm scared – of being alone when I die – of dying a long drawn out death from cancer or other wasting disease - of suddenly developing Turrets and spitting verbal outbursts the instant I start speaking in front of church.

i read – girlie magazines and cheap dime-store detective crime novels.

i'm happy about – having a wife, children, cousins and two or three friends who love me in spite of who I am and how I act.